This Valentine’s Day got me thinking about self-love.  The concept of self-love is not something to be written off as hippy nonsense and the importance of loving oneself cannot be over-emphasised.

As women we are wired to put the needs of others before ourselves and, as purposeful service providers, often we do what we do as we want to help others. We want to make their lives better in some way and, in doing so, leave the world a slightly better place. This is, of course, a beautiful thing BUT, it can mean that we put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do list, OR spend far too much time needlessly berating and beating ourselves up for things. Am I right?

So, I have put together five different ways that you can step up your self-love.  You might like to use these as gentle prompts to get you thinking about how you experience living in the mind-body “world” of YOU day-to-day.  

1.   Watch the Way You Speak to Yourself

The first thing to do here is to develop some awareness around how you speak to yourself day-to-day.  Are you kind?  Compassionate?  Or are you downright horrible?! 

If, like so many of us, you find yourself angrily berating yourself for things, notice when this happens.  Are there particular triggers?  Are you tired?  Do you need to eat?  Or is it context dependent, for example when your children talk-back to you?

Stop yourself and swap your language for something more compassionate.  Speak to yourself as you would a best friend, or a child.  Reframe your thoughts and try saying something like, “That’s OK, I know you’re trying your best.”

 

2.   Look Out for Comparititis (comparing yourself unfavourably to others)

This is a made-up term, but the impact of the behaviour is certainly very real.  Brené Brown calls this type of comparison “the crush between conformity and competition”, that drives feelings “that can affect our relationships and self-worth.”

We are wired to want to fit in and have an innate survival instinct, and if this is threatened we can be driven by fear and “lack”, rather than openness and abundance.

Again, the first step here is to build your awareness and notice your behaviour.  How do you feel around others?  When you look at social media?  When you see others in your industry who you might perceive to be further ahead than you? 

Try wishing them well.  Tell yourself that there is enough out there for everybody.  Reframe the experience – what might you learn from this person?  How might they inspire you?  Develop an abundance mindset by practicing gratitude for all that you do have.    

 

3.   Let Go of Perfect

Perfectionism.  I know that one… The slayer of productivity and creativity.  Thankfully I know consider myself to be a recovered perfectionist, however it is something that takes ongoing and conscious work.

Here’s the thing, there is no such thing as perfect.  What a completely subjective and impossible perspective, no?  And who is it that sets the perfect standard?!

I believe that the really interesting stuff, the actual beauty, lies in the authenticity; in the very cracks and imperfections.  Now I experience daily that taking small (tiny if need be), consistent action is the counter-attack for perfectionism.  And I have adopted the mantra “strive for excellence, not perfection”.  You just have to get going!

 

4.   Put on Your Oxygen Mask First

By this I mean, prioritise your wellbeing so that you are in the best possible mental and physical state to live your most effective and meaningful life, as well as to be there for the people who are most important to you.

I totally get it, it can seem difficult to “fit it in”.  But make your self-care habits simple, and non-negotiable.  Nourish your body, get enough sleep, spend some time (even just 10 minutes a day) mindfully.

Look at what gets in the way and the permission that you may or may not be giving yourself – do you feel guilty?  Do you feel undeserving?  Explore this for yourself.  And remember, if you are a solo entrepreneur and you go down, so does your business!

 

5.   Consider Who You Spend Your Time With

It has been said (allegedly by motivational speaker Jim Rohn), that we are the product of the five people with whom we spend the most time with.  Whilst it is certainly true that those around us have a strong influence on our thoughts and behaviours, it’s likely (particularly in these times of huge social networks) that our sphere of influence is much larger than just five.

In other words, pay attention to your relationships, what you read, and what you listen to.  Consciously spend time with the “radiators” (the people and activities that energise you), as opposed to the “drains”.  Who fills up your cup?  Have you spent time with them recently?  Why not get a date booked in.

If you have been feeling less than in love with yourself recently, I hope that these five concepts have inspired you to move your relationship with yourself higher up on your list of priorities, maybe even sometimes at number one… Because in the end it really will make you more effective in your life, work and relationships with others.

 

Vicki Messenger helps empower aspiring and early-stage female founders to confidently create, launch and grow purpose-driven businesses in harmony with their ideal lifestyles.  You can find out more about how Vicki can support you, along with further articles and heaps of complimentary resources at: www.vickimessenger.com.

You can also find heaps of insight and inspiration by grabbing a FREE copy of her e-book: ‘“What I wish I knew…” - Pearls of Wisdom from 10 Incredible Women in Business’ right here.

And, why not join our growing community for women in business: The Collective. You’ll gain access to daily tips, tools, inspiration, and mindset matters, as well as weekly live trainings and quarterly guest interviews. Find us here.